Queen Lesson 104

Admire Yourself For Who You've Become
* or *
Your Windy Mountain Moment

Let's take a moment and reflect on what we've accomplished so far, shall we? So far we have beaten that Magic Mirror and now look forward to seeing ourselves in it! We have cleaned out our mental closet and given the Mongol Horde new marching orders. AND we have discovered our Queen Voices!! Wow!! That is a lot of improvements!!!

Now it's time to have our very own Windy Mountain Moment.

Have you ever gone hiking before? I have in the past - just enough to realize that I love nature more on TV than in real life, lol!! Well that's not entirely true, but hiking isn't a favorite. But...what makes it all worth it (mostly), is when you reach the peak, and you can see the incredible vistas laid out before you. Wow! What a sense of accomplishment - you made it! And you can get the 'big picture' of your journey and see how each part of the way was connected and lead you to your current destination.

Life is like that too. Sometimes we get so mired down in the details of everyday living, that we forget there even is a 'big picture'. The times that seem so hard, and dark and lonely, are all part of the journey and necessary to get where we're going. When you're on top of your mountain, you can see all that has come before - all the challenges and obstacles and see how much you have overcome to be the successful YOU that you are today! I don't think anyone would ever volunteer for truly tough times. But here's the thing; you wouldn't be the fabulous you that you are today, without them. The best stuff comes from the toughest of times. You know the saying - if it doesn't kill ya, it makes ya stronger!!!

It also gives you perspective. Sometimes the "good things" that we wanted (new relationship, new job, etc) turn out to not be in our best interest or turn out well at all. And then sometimes the "bad things" of life (death of a loved one, lost job, failed relationship), turn out to hold lessons we need, or provide opportunities that would have never happened otherwise. And in every life, the sum pieces of the experiences lived, add up to a beautiful quilt you can surely be proud of!

* Crown Jewel *
What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.
- Colette

Take out your notebooks - it's Windy Mountain Moment time!
Close your eyes, and imagine you are on top of the highest mountain, looking down on your life so far. See it all; see how it all connects. See the things you are most proud of, see the mistakes, see the things you wished you had handled differently, see all the people you have met and encountered along the way. Don't worry about regrets. You're discovering what works and what doesn't. Wasting time worrying about "would've", "should've", "could've" is a monumental waste of time and VERY heavy emotional baggage. Keep the knowledge and lesson, and ditch the experience!

Now, make a list of the things you admire about yourself. Be honest, and give yourself a break! Are you loyal? Are you a good friend? If you have a hard time thinking about what you admire about yourself - think about traits that you admire in others. Do you have them too?? I'll bet you do!

Now, make a list of the traits you'd like to banish. Do you say yes when you really mean no? Are you always late? What are things you no longer wish to be, no longer wish to have in your life quilt??

* Crown Jewel*
One is not born a woman, one becomes one.
- Simone de Beauvoir

Kathy Kinney shares in the book that she lost her father to poor health, and how devastating that loss was to her life and to her self-esteem. She writes that she would give anything, all her money, all her success to have him back in her life alive and well. But life doesn't work that way! But because of her father's death, she was able to go to college and have experiences that would have been denied her otherwise. She could step back and see that out of the very worst of 'bad things' in her life, many, many truly wonderful things came out of it.

And Cindy Ratzlaff shared about how she felt losing her job that she'd had for many years. It was a job that she had really come to hate, and she knew she would be 'down sized' soon, but it still came as a horrible shock when it finally happened. Isn't it amazing how we can think ourselves comfortable and fool ourselves into finding contentment in a bad situation?? And then sit there feeling sorry for ourselves because we lost this crummy job??? We should be celebrating instead! OR, realize we aren't happy and fulfilled and get cracking on fixing the situation instead of waiting for life to do it for us!

* Crown Jewel*
The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me.
- Ayn Rand

* Crown Jewel *
Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.
- Anais Nin

Are you too comfortable in your life over things you KNOW need changing? The status quo isn't good enough for you, Your Majesty!!!!!! You were meant for bigger and better things. Jot down in your notebooks some things you know need some improvements. Never settle, because good enough....simply isn't!

* Crown Jewel *
When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.
- Alexander Graham Bell

What are you holding on to that needs to be let go of? Past mistakes? Bad job? Are you wasting a ton of time and energy trying to make a square peg fit into a round hole??? Wouldn't it just be easier to stop, step back, access the situation as it really is (rather than how we wished it were!), and see if there's a better solution?? Phooey on the closed door!! Go find an open one!!!!

From the book:
"Look, we understand that everyone has both challenges and successes on their climb up the mountain. We all have to deal with illness, death, loss of jobs, divorce and money woes. The trick is in not letting yourself be defined as a victim of these events. Stop trying to put labels on your life and definitions on yourself. It's easier than you think. It takes only one good Windy Mountain Moment!"

* Crown Jewel*
Adventure is worthwhile in itself.
- Amelia Earhart

Exercise:
Go HERE, and print out the blank Coat of Arms. Pick four of the most important traits you either want to keep in your life, or add to your life. These will provide the foundation of your future, so choose wisely!!! You can color it in, pretty it up, or just leave it as it is. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you do it, and the put it where you are going to see it - every day!!!

* Royal Proclamation *
Let it be known from this day forward that I have conceived, executed, developed, pioneered, motivated, and created an extraordinary life and I will speak about myself in a positive way from this moment on because I am worth it. I give you permission to admire me even as I take every day to admire myself. So sayeth the Queen.

Queen Lesson 103

Clean Your Mental Closet and Find Your Queen Voice
* or *
Battling the Mongol Horde

Just look at you!! You've tamed that pesky Magic Mirror and feeling how beautiful you truly are! You're walking the walk and feeling pretty darn sassy! You Go Girl!!! Now it's time to work on the inner voices.

Do not for one minute underestimate self-talk. It can be positive or negative, but either way it is so powerful!! Think of your brain as a computer. It only knows what you tell it. So if you program it full of self-doubt and destructive thoughts, that's the kind of life you are going to be living. No fun!!! We women are our own worst enemies and it's time to get out of our own way already!!

So what are you telling yourself? I know you have mirrors mastered, but what about the rest of the time? Get out your notebooks and take a few minutes to think about things you say to yourself on a regular basis.




Are you saying things like:
I can't believe I can't ever remember to [whatever].
My butt looks so fat in my jeans.
I'm so stupid.
I'm never going to be able to do [whatever].
I blew my diet at breakfast, so I might as well eat what I want.
That 20 minutes of exercise last month didn't do anything, so why bother.
I can't do anything right.
I'm so clumsy.
I have no talent.
I'm never going to get a better job.

Blah, blah, blah!!!! How could anyone possibly be happy about themselves or their lives, with a constant diatribe like that going on?? Simple, you can't. And you know what else? It's lies. ALL LIES!!! But you need to stop it - this second! - so we need to fix it - pronto!!

* Crown Jewel *
It is never too late to be what you might have been.
- George Eliot

I love how the authors named these destructive, lying inner voices the Mongol Horde. They say, "It seemed like the perfect choice because, just like the voices in our heads, the Mongol Horde were wild, brilliant and unpredictable fighters with a take-no-prisoners policy." By naming them, you can not only silence their destructive power, but also change them into allies instead of enemies!! If they're such great fighters, don't you want them fighting for you, instead of against you?? Of course!

* Crown Jewel *
Fortunately, analysis is not the only way to resolve inner conflicts. Life itself still remains a very effective therapist.
- Karen Horney

Just remember that these voices are lying to you and you need to really confront what it is you're saying to yourself. Just the practice of saying out loud the thoughts going through your mind is often enough to make you stop and realize how ridiculous some of them are! I'll bet you aren't stupid; at all. But how many times do you allow yourself to think that?? Once is too often!

We've all come across people that for one reason or another feel the need to "inform us" about our flaws and faults. Just jerky people who almost seem to revel in our failures, or what they see as failures. Whether it's a friend or family member, we recognize pretty fast that this is negative behavior and we don't like it, so we pull away because who wants to be constantly put down? I can't stand being around those kinds of people that never have anything good to say about anything or anyone! What an emotional drain they are!!!

* Crown Jewel *

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

So if you aren't going to tolerate it from others, why would you tolerate it from yourself? Doesn't make much sense, does it??

Practical Exercise:
Get a timer, or stop watch, and give yourself ten minutes of alone, quiet time. Just you and your Mongol Horde are invited. Because it is time to do battle and you are going to totally let them have at it...but just for ten minutes. Even if you feel silly, do it anyway. Because you need to confront them, once and for all. As negative thoughts come into your mind, say them out loud. And by all means, feel free to laugh your butt off at the truly ridiculous ones!! They hate that!!!! At the end of ten minutes, when they've hit you with all they've got, it's time to set 'em straight about how things are going to go from here on out! NO MORE negative thoughts are allowed and if they can't say something nice, then just zip it!! They are now fighting for you, not against you!!!

* Crown Jewel *

Life is not what it's supposed to be. It's what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.
- Virginia Satir

Don't underestimate your Mongol Horde though! They are tricky and sneaky and can change tactics on you!!! Sometimes soft and reasonable sounding, they are going to try to get you back in your old patterns of thinking. Ever been on a diet, and find yourself rationalizing why one, small cheat is really OK? Uh huh, that's your Mongol Horde at work!! Be ever watchful of them to keep them in check!! They will tell you that you "deserve" an unhealthy snack, but what you really deserve is to feel great about yourself! Happiness is not found at the bottom of chip bag or a box of donuts. I've already looked there, so I'll save you the trip, lol! From the book: "Although they reside in your head and are really only your own feelings of worry, self-doubt and fear, you must regard the Mongol Horde as an external threat to your well-being." The simple act of naming them, out loud, makes them lose their power over you forever!

* Crown Jewel *

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.
- Anna Freud

Just be aware that they will most likely be lurking about, waiting for an opportunity to strike when you are feeling low and vulnerable! But you've found your Queen Voice and can now laugh at them and send them running in retreat!! What a great gift for a Queen to give herself!!!

* Royal Proclamation *

Hear ye, hear ye, Academy Award-winning voices of the Mongol Horde! If you don't have anything good to say to me, then don't say anything at all. I banish all your negative and nasty talk. I, the Queen, decree it and so it shall be from this day forward.

Queen Lesson 102

Welcome and All Hail to the Queens-to-be!! Let's get started, shall we?!

Chapter 2: Claim your beauty and feel your power! (or How to banish your inner crone, lol!)

beautiful (adjective): 1. having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear or think about; delighting the senses or mind 2. wonderful; very pleasing or satisfying 3. excellent of its kind 4. YOU!

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"

Did you answer, "Me!!!!"? Probably not, and how sad is that anyway? Get out your notebooks girls, and jot down what you consider "beautiful". What does beautiful mean to you? Yes, now; I'll wait.







OK, great. So what's on your list?? Does beautiful mean a certain size or number on a scale? Clear skin? Bikini body? Perfect white teeth? Hair that doesn't look like you rolled out of bed and has been washed this week? Different/better boobs, nose, legs, butt, etc etc etc than what you possess?

The media and entertainment industry would have us believe that we need to be their version of "perfect" in order to be beautiful. And yet it's all a myth!!! Those women are often very young girls, and ALL are airbrushed!!! NONE of them wake up and just look like that. You are believing in a lie that is unattainable, and crushing to your spirit. Now...go back and read the dictionary's definition again. I don't recall reading about big boobs or a size 4 hiney on there anywhere!!!! So, does this perhaps mean that being beautiful is, can be and should be so much more??? YES!!

** Crown Jewel **
So much has been said and sung of beautiful young girls; why don't somebody wake up to the beauty of old women? - Harriet Beecher Stowe

When you look in the mirror, do you make a face at yourself? I do. Well I used to. I'd see a tired, old woman and wonder how in the world she got into my mirror!! I'd see the tired, puffy eyes, red nose, new wrinkles....and completely miss the true story there. Yep, I'm tired a lot. It's called being a wife and a mother. And I've earned every bit of story on my face! There's no rose colored glass in my mirrors, and I'm glad. Because you know what? With everything I've faced in my life, every challenge, every stressful situation - I've faced it head on and conquered them all! If that "shows", then it's a badge of honor. If we continue to equate youth and superficial beauty to our value as women, then we are seriously shortchanging ourselves!!!

** Crown Jewel **
Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.
- Grandma Moses

But even without the media's help, we as women still have hangups with how we look and find it impossible to see our true beauty - inside and out. There will always be someone prettier, with better hair, longer legs, more money. So what? Every woman is busy comparing herself to someone else and to some imaginary ideal; including that perfect bombshell you saw in the store the other day!! What a drag on our emotional resources! Rather than worrying about how you rate, why not try something really radical. Why not just declare yourself totally fabulous, gorgeous and irresistible? Say it to yourself. All the time, everyday. Say it, mean it - or if need be, just fake it till you make it!

** Crown Jewel **
You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself.
- Ethel Barrymore

Later during our Crowning Ceremony, you will have to proclaim two things. What has worked for you in the past that you want to keep, and what has to go. One thing that has to go for sure is thinking you must be young and thin to be beautiful. Why waste even one more second on such negative and defeatist thinking?? What you really want (and need) to feel beautiful, is a lightness of spirit and daily happiness! Try putting down - and never, ever picking up again! - all that negative emotional baggage you're dragging around. Talk about losing weight!!! You'll feel so light you could almost fly!!!

** Crown Jewel **
The really happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery when on a detour.

What would you do or who would you be, if you knew you couldn't fail? If failing were somehow not even a concept in your consciousness, how would that change your life. Think about it....if you asked a little kid what they wanted to be when they grew up, you'd really hear just about anything. They haven't been told yet, or been made to feel, that anything was impossible. Therefore everything is possible!!! Naive? Who says? Who says you can't do whatever it is that has always set your spirit soaring? Most likely the only one standing in your way is you. So why not try? Take that foreign language course, finish (or start!) that degree program, travel, write your bestselling novel, learn a new hobby - whatever. Be the person you've always wanted to be - today!

** Crown Jewel **

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.
- Harriet Tubman

Claim your beauty! Excerpt: 'Wouldn't the ultimate gift to yourself be to believe that, no matter what your age, size or circumstances, you are beautiful and then go out into the world reflecting that feeling inside and out?' So go out there ladies, and strut your stuff! Stop with the stinkin' thinkin' and claim YOUR beauty!!!

** Royal Proclamation **
I am Queen of My Own Life and I shall confront that damn talking mirror every day. It will have no power over me. Every time I look into it, I will see myself as the beautiful, intelligent, valuable woman that I am. So says the Queen!


Please watch this; listen; and BELIEVE!!

Queen Lesson 101

Welcome to our first Queen Lesson at Jeannie’s Royal Academy! Are you ready to become the Queen of Your Own Life?? Well then, let’s go!!

Chapter 1: The Awakening

Although I’m not at, or nearing just yet, menopause, I am over forty. The media at large would have you believe that as a woman "of a certain age", you’re pretty much a dried up, has been. Or worse, a never was! Oh really? Did you happen to get a look at Cher recently??? The woman is 64 and can still wear her typical, skin revealing get ups she wore in her 20’s!!!

1989 and 2010! You go, girl!!

Now I don’t have Cher’s body, nor would I wear what she does (in public anyway, lol!), but who exactly made the rule that women become insignificant and worthless prunes after 40?? With modern medicine and science, we’re only barely at the MIDPOINT of our lives!! So if we still have the other half to go, I’m not going to spend it thinking all the good stuff of life has already passed me by!

Kathy Kinney in googling reasons why her feet were so hot at night, found that now that she had reached her crone years, she must embrace entering the final phase of her life. Chrone years?? OK, now when I hear the word chrone, this is what I think of…

…and yeah…even on my worst day I don’t resemble anything that bad!! So whew, dodged that bullet; I’m not a crone!!! I’m not sure what one word could possibly encompass all that I am as a woman, but it sure as hell isn’t “crone”. Good grief! And guess what, neither are you! So stop thinking that your life is over and really KNOW that in reality, you’re only half-way through it. You most likely have lots of time left!!!

So what are you going to do with it? If you aren’t happy where you are, and you don’t know where you’re going, chances are you aren’t going to be any happier later. Why not have a focused transition, where you figure out what’s working for you and what isn’t, and perhaps learn a few new tricks along the way??

Over the next 8 weeks you will:

· Claiming your beauty and feel your power

· Clean your mental closet and find your Queen voice

· Admire yourself for who you’ve become

· Build deep, fulfilling friendships with other women

· Establish firm boundaries that will strengthen all of your relationships

· Discover the simple trick of finally being happy

· Proclaim yourself Queen of Your Own life!

· Share a Crowning Ceremony right here on my blog!

Your assignment this week:

1. Read Chapter 2. Take notes, highlight – whatever works for you. This is a biggie and I want you to get the most out of it!!

Buy yourself a notebook. It could be a spiral bound notebook you got at Walmart for $0.25 on a back to school sale, or a fancy journal from Barnes & Noble. It doesn’t matter! But you need something to put notes in. Because writing down your thoughts makes them real! And you might not want to be as open and honest with yourself as you need to be on a blog. This is for you!! Dreams and goals seem possible when you write them down! And fears lose most of their power!!

** Crown Jewel **
"Remember, you don't have to be twenty
to have your whole life ahead of you."

Jeannie's Royal Academy

If you've been to my blog the past week or so, you would have noticed a Royal Invitation at the top of my header. I put this on the top to get your attention, lol! I also emailed every woman on my email list. Why? Because I care about you guys and I truly feel that all of you will benefit from this mini journey we'll be starting next week.

So what's the deal? We will be sharing the most amazing book, 'Queen of Your Own Life', by Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff. You may remember Kathy Kinney from her iconic role of "Mimi" on the Drew Carey Show. Each Thursday, starting next week, we will go through each chapter of the book, gleaning every ounce of goodness, wisdom and fabulousness from it that we possibly can!! Finally, you will have the opportunity to knock off that stinkin' thinkin', walk away from that negative past, learn to set boundaries and realize that happiness is totally and 100% your choice! You'll UN-learn that young is beautiful and old is old!! What is old anyway??? I know women who are chronologically older than I am, but far happier and more "with it" than I ever was, at any age!!! But now we will be too!

So...you may be thinking:

* I don't have time. Seriously?? Sorry, not buying it. If you have time to watch tv, you have time to do this. We're not talking about a huge time commitment here, ladies!! If you don't have 10 minutes for yourself, by yourself everyday, then make the time. You NEED to! If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!!!! Lock yourself in the bathroom, hide in the basement, pull into a gas station parking lot - whatever it takes. You have the time. Tell me you don't want to. Tell me you won't. But don't tell me, or more importantly yourself, that you don't have time. What could be more important than you?? If not now, when...?????

* It's too late for me. If this is you, then don't tell me. Because I'll slap ya silly until you change your mind!!! Still drawing breath? Good, it's NOT too late!!! Got it?!?!? Not. Too. Late. If God isn't done with you, then why the hell are you giving up on yourself?? And look at it this way...if you really believed this, then what have you got to lose?? You're probably just moping around, feeling sorry for yourself and thinking that life has already passed you by (WHATEVER!!), so why not just give it a go and see what happens. And I triple dog dare ya besides!!!!

* I don't like book clubs. This isn't a book club, book club. This is truly an emotional journey and an opportunity to really grow in a positive way. I say opportunity, because like anything else worthwhile, you'll only get out of it what you put into it. If you don't do the work, then you aren't going to be any better off. But if you want to fling open that door to happiness and embark on a unchartered path, then this is the place to be!!

* I'm not a joiner. Fair enough. I'm an outgoing, 'people person'. I'm a type A personality, a natural leader and teacher. Not everyone else is, and that's a good thing!!! I'm doing this first and foremost for myself. I need it. I want it. I'm doing it. I'm encouraging you to join me because I KNOW you'll have a blast, share some laughs and really get your head screwed on straight, once and for all. Besides, you don't stand a chance of your crown staying put for long if you don't! This is a personal journey. For you. Don't do it for anyone else! Not even for me!!!!!

* I don't want to put myself "out there" on the world wide web. Again, fair enough. You don't have to comment, you don't have to share, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I encourage you to share, because I believe we will all gain more by our shared experiences. We as women have far more in common than you might think, and I believe we feel much more comfortable knowing we're not the only ones who struggle with certain issues. That woman you see that has her stuff all together? I betcha she doesn't!! There's strength in numbers! You aren't crazy and you aren't the "only one". And you can take that to the bank!!!

* I don't want to commit to something and then not follow through with it. This is one I can really respect because so often I've said no to things I've really wanted to do because I didn't want to let the group down. Hear me, ok?? THIS IS FOR YOU!! Not me, not a group, for yourself! If you miss a week, get sick, forget - whatever - just pick up where you left off and carry on. Don't worry about us, just don't quit on yourself!!

* I can't afford to buy the book. Times are tough people, no doubt about it. Thank God we all pretty much have a local library, and several of you have already told me you got yours there! Women are very creative and resourceful when there's something they want. How badly do you want it? Could you maybe cross off some unneeded junk food items off the grocery list and buy the book? Sell something on ebay? You'll find a way!! Nothing and no one stands in the way of a determined woman!!! Ever see a shoe sale in a big store?? YIKES!!!!

* This doesn't sound like "me". Maybe it isn't! But maybe, just maybe, it should be! Do you want to be happier and more joyful, regardless of your current situation? Do you want to learn to say "yes" without feeling resentful, or "no" without feeling guilty? Do you want to learn to really and truly love yourself, no matter what the number on the scale says, the tag in your jeans says, or what your Mother-in-law says? Do you want to learn to be super-di-duper proud of all the things you've accomplished as a woman so far, and look forward to even better things in the future? Do you want to feel like you have control over your life, or are you content with everyone else steamrolling over you til you're all emotionally flat, smooshed, and completely unfabulous? Still not sounding like "you"???? *wink* Thought so.

So...what do I have to do?
Again, you don't have to do anything. I'm not going to pester you, call you, email you, blog-stalk you or anything else if you sign up, and then later disappear. Really. This is completely on you. Because it takes both hands and one leg just to keep myself on track, lol! However, I am encouraging you to get the book (by hook or by crook!!), read it and then follow along with us on my blog on Thursdays for your weekly Queen Lessons. The book is a super quick read if you read it all at once. If you only read a chapter at a time, we're talking 10-15 minutes if you're the slowest reader on the planet and/or your family interrupts you constantly. I will post a summary of the chapter, with things to think about and focus on, things to implement in your life and the quotes from the book. Will it help more if you read the chapter first? Yes. But you are becoming the Queen of YOUR life, so do what works best for you.

For those of you who do stick with it, completing the journey is the ultimate reward. However, if you do complete the entire journey, you will receive two things from me and you want 'em. And that's all I'm going to say about it, lol!!

So are you in????