Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Redneck Wisdom!

Larry the Cable Guy
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
14. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
15. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
16. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
18. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
19. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
20. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering 'What the heck happened?'
21. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
22. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
23. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

11 comments:

Deanna said...

LOL gotta love Larry (that is Larry the Cable Guy, isn't it?)

Queenie Jeannie said...

Yep, that's him!!

April said...

Larry the Cable Guy is a lot smarter than we give him credit for, I think!

Christina said...

lol jalapenos love it

MaBunny said...

HEHE, we saw Larry in concert, before he really made it big as the opening act at a Travis Tritt concert - he is hilarious.
GET 'R DONE!

Kristina P. said...

My husband loves Larry!

Dani said...

Pretty fun stuff, right there!

Grand Pooba said...

Ha! I love it! And congrats at winning over at Kristina's!

LadyStyx said...

LARRY! *laffin* Love that Bluecollar stuff.

Sweet Home Amy said...

Great stuff! Made me smile. :) Thanks!!

Lizzie said...

i LOVE redneck wisdom!!! makes me really miss the small little southern town we moved from :)