De-Stress Thursday

Stress. It's a funny thing, don't you think? It can turn a normal, balanced, otherwise happy person into a crazed, raving lunatic. Let me just give you an example, okie dokie??

Say, for example, hypothetically, that you were a member of a large group of bloggers like SITS. And say that group was celebrating a season, like spring, with day-long giveaways and contests. Sounds fun, right? Exciting?? The chance of winning something super cool? Awesome, right? Like if you wished you could update your blog design, and wanted so many super cool things for it, but couldn't afford the price tag that went with said "super coolness"? What if you were to WIN a gift certificate, and could get super coolness FOR FREE?!?!? How incredible would that be??? Wouldn't you nearly pee in your pants? Wouldn't you whoop for joy? Ahhhh, bloggy goodness at it's finest. Damn Skippy!!!! (cue cherubs singing)

So you pick out your bloggy goodies and what the hell, add a bit more on your own dime and make it just a smashing funfest! You're worth it, right?? So you place your order, and pay your money. (cherubs singing louder!)

Get email back, wait time three weeks. At least. And what do you want - ideas, etc. (one cherub falls off a cloud and another breaks a harp string).

Think long and hard and really visualize what you want. Strive to be creative and original. Come up with a totally fan-damn-tab-ulous idea, and all the details that go with it. Email designer with all your ideas. And wait. Three weeks. (cherubs fall asleep)

And then - AT LAST! - the email arrives! The design is ready for a preview - WOOOO HOOOO!!!! With shaky, excited fingers I click on the link to my vision - my dream - my awesome new blog design.........(screeching record!!!) WTH?? Are you kidding me? Fo real??????? This is what I waited three weeks for? This is what you did with my vision? THIS IS WHAT I PAID FOR WITH NO REFUND AVAILABLE??? (cherubs are SO flipping YOU off!!!)

If you have, say, a 3rd grader (because these days 3rd graders are WAY smarter and more "techie" than we ever were at that age!!), and they were messing around with MS Paint, they could almost assuredly come up with something better than this "professional" did. Seriously. That bad, and not in a funny way. Imagine you are so shocked that you just sit in front of your monitor with your mouth hanging way open and words cannot even begin to describe your emotional mixture of shock, disappointment, anger, disappointment, disbelief and disappointment. I was REALLY disappointed. And for me to be speechless? Almost unheard of.

So. A challenge. Draft an email where you somehow inform said designer that their attempt at designing your dream/vision sucks monkey balls. HARD! But tactfully and diplomatically. Because God forbid you should hurt their feelings and no-talent egos. Right? (insert cuss words here)

And because it is apparent that they are in no way talented, nor connected to you on any kind of creative level, you give them step-by-step-by-friggin'-step directions. You GIVE them a background picture, because somehow a background that could easily have come from Yo Gabba Gabba does NOT fit into your definition of elegance - you know, the shit I was asking for????.... (enhance your calm Jeannie. find your happy place).........You scour the internet for pictures and photos of what you asked for and wanted. You upload those pictures to a website so you can actually write notes ON THE PICTURES, just so there isn't any more "miscommunication". You write a detailed email, with every possible, conceivable detail spelled out. EVERYTHING. You do all the work, just so you can make your vision 100% clear. Push send.

(crickets)

(more crickets)

(fall asleep listening to crickets)

Email returned. And this is a QUOTE folks! I couldn't possibly make this shit up! ahem:
"First, it is important that you realize that I am a blog designer, not an artist/graphic designer/illustrator or whatever it's called. I can create my own images and graphics if they are simple (like the design I created for you); much more complicated, and I need someone else to have created the artwork - like a stock illustration or custom artwork. If I am not capable of creating the images necessary for the design, you are responsible for supplying me with the images you want."

Ever heard of the term "seeing red"?? It's true. It can really happen. And if it does, it's not pretty. At all.

So. Could someone, anyone?, explain to stupid ole me just exactly how you can have a BUSINESS of blog DESIGN if you aren't capable of DESIGNING anything???? Anyone???? How could you take people's money and then not be able to perform? And you have to know that I wasn't asking for the frickin' Sistine Chapel here folks!!! Just something fun and original and uniquely "Jeannie". So now I'm outta $25 bucks. Not the end of the world. Life is full of disappointments. Blah. Blah. Blah.

And what does all this have to do with "de-stressing", anyway??

Because when you are angry like THIS:

...it's a real stress reliever to come to your blog and rant and/or rave about it! Even if it doesn't have a super cool, original, unique blog design that you spent hours planning and researching for it to give to a no-talent, money-stealing blog "designer" for and all you wound up getting was some blog fodder for your efforts. Yeah, I feel so much better now. (Bitch!!!!) But of course, this is all hypothetical, remember? (Not!!!)