Sunday, September 30, 2012

This is pee-your-pants FUNNY!!!!

1. Tell them they must have the wrong number, only God lives here.

2. When they call back, tell them this is the devil’s residence.

3. Tell them she/he can’t come to the phone right now as they are in deep meditation and may stay that way for days.

4. Start telling them about the wonderful encyclopedias you have in stock.

5. Start telling them your life story.

6. Tell them about your intense hatred for salespeople, then ask where they live.

7. Reply to all their questions in song.

8. Ask for someone who can translate pig Latin, as you speak no other language.

9. Hand the phone to the youngest member of the house (under 5).

10. As soon as they name the corporation they represent begin barking relentlessly.

11. Start trying to give them a psychological analysis.

12. Demand that they refer to you as Dr. Chopsticks.

13. Proudly describe what you found in your ear this morning.

14. Ask them what color underwear they are wearing today.

15. Describe your socks in detail.

16. Interrupt them repeatedly to describe the beauty of your new toaster.

17. Whiningly tell thing that it is past your bedtime.

18. Midway through the conversation say, "oh no Phil! You’ve done it again! I told you that knife was too sharp! Where are we going to get the money for another funeral?"

19. Ask them repeatedly if they believe in antelopes.

20. Refuse to answer any of their questions, as they may be one of THEM!

21. Ask them what they think would happen if you put a frog in a blender. Later tell them they were wrong.

22. Ask them for their phone number so that you can call them back and chat some more.

13. Burst into tears when they try to hang up, and scream "Don’t leave me!"

24. Tell them about the time when you got stuck in the doggy door.

25. When they ask to speak to you spend a long time trying to decide if that really is your name and after you realize it is ask them to remind you of it occasionally.

26. Proudly explain that they are the first person that you have spoken to since you return to Earth.

27. In the middle of the conversation start humming the sesame street theme song, when they try to speak sound surprised and say, "Is someone there?"

28. Begin snoring.

29. Gleefully explain that "they" have come for you and that you are going to a better place.


Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

I need to try a few of these! These are the BEST!!!!!

2busy said...

My husband will answer in an accent, and say something to the effect of "You callin' about the car? It's only $350 real cheap, you buy?" We always giggle in the background.

Deanna said...

These are great.

Jim answered the phone once and the sales person asked for me. He responded "This is Deanna". Total silence on the other end. Then they said, "You're Deanna?" Jim responded indignantly about how tired he was of people thinking he was male because of his deep voice and how insulted he was. They hung up on him.

Rita said...

Do you remember the show Becker? He would tell them to hang on and then blasted one of those really loud horns (I don't know if those horns have a proper name, but they sound like those loud buzzers at sporting events) into the speaker of the phone. Cracked me up every time! ;)

TeddyBobCrafts said...

These are really funny. I always forget to try something like that, and just politely say we are not interested and hang up. My hubby tells them to wait whilst he goes to turn the hob off, and then leaves them for ages!! Ali x

Life in a Small Town said...

Those are hilarious! I've actually done the one where you ask for their phone number, and they've given me the 800 #, so I told them I wanted their HOME number! They shut up pretty quickly!

Alison xx said...

Oh my, I have to try some of these. I sometimes just speak in English (live in France) or my favourite is just to keep say Hello until they hang up. A xx

Intense Guy said...

I'd have to get a phone to do any of these...but in my imagination... heeeh heeeehhhhhheeehhh... :)