Inspiring Quotes Wednesday

If an article is attractive, or useful, or inexpensive, they'll stop making it tomorrow; if it's all three, they stopped making it yesterday.

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.

If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot do anything else.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist.

Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time

How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire?

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

Why do they put the Gideon Bibles only in the bedrooms, where it's usually too late, and not in the barroom downstairs?

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

People who snore always fall asleep first.

The trouble with, "A place for everything and everything in its place" is that there's always more everything than places.

No one is listening until you fart.

Keep a thing seven years and it's bound to come in handy.