Monday, April 27, 2009

Fare thee well...

I knew the time was coming, but I really didn't let myself think about it. It just hurt too damn much to even think about you leaving, so far away, for so long. How can it even be possible that you are grown and married?!?!? Wasn't it just a couple of weeks ago that you were still little? It's such a cliche to say that the time goes by so fast, but it's true.


Time is such a funny thing. During those seemingly endless, sleepless nights, when you think that you will never again sleep like a normal person. Or eat a complete meal in peace. Or complete a thought for that matter. But the time does go by so very quickly. I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. You were my best friend and constant companion since that day. What memory or experience do I have, that you weren't a part of? We are so alike you and I, that words aren't even necessary to know what the other is thinking.


It truly doesn't seem possible that the time has come for you to go your own way, and make your own path in life. I just want to pull you back into my lap and go backward in time....because I'm not ready for this yet. This is too hard. It's too much to ask. There's still so much you don't know yet. So much that I want to tell you, and show you, and things we didn't get to do together yet. But that part is over. So somehow, I have to swallow this gi-normous boulder stuck in my throat and "be strong". Because it's time. And there's no *pause* or *rewind* in life.


But before you go..........just know this....I have loved being your Mom every day of your life. I have always been so proud of you honey!!! You've grown into such a beautiful and lovely woman, so much smarter (and taller!) than I'll ever hope to be. You're the girl every Mother wishes for, but I was the one privileged enough to call you her own. The good times, the sad times, the hard times, the exciting times - I've loved them all. Because they were with you, and you have made it all worthwhile. Someday.......like in 10-15 years from now(!!!!!)....you will have a child, and then you will know this blinding, great love. You will know, then, how much I love you. And I always, always, always will!!!! More than the sun, and the moon, and the stars..........you are my sunshine.

26 comments:

babyrocasmama said...

What a sweet, loving letter to your oldest baby girl. The greatest gift we can give our children is roots and wings. You seem to have given Alex both. It will be alright. Hard as hell, but alright nonetheless.

HUGS!

sandy said...

{{{hugs}}}

Sarah said...

Oh! Such a sweet letter...makes my heart hurt a little as my 3 daughters are all under 6 but soon enough they will be grown :(
Loved it!

Kat said...

I agree a very sweet loving message to Alex. You have given her both roots and wings - and now as hard as it is - it is time for her to spread those wings and fly knowing that her roots are never far behind.

Take heart in that mom - she will always make you proud. Just as you have made her proud.

Yaya said...

Jeannie, You just gave me a heart attack!!!!! First I thought you were implying that you were gonna go Blue Violet on us and delete your blog when I saw your post title and I thought NNNNNOOOOO.
Then I thought you were talking about your hubby being deployed and I got all emotional for a second there.

Then, phew, then I realized what you were talking about. Okay, I'm okay now. This is still sad though. And this is such a beautiful letter you wrote!

Don't scare me again!

STILLMAGNOLIA said...

That was the sweetest letter I have ever read. I know this feeling. I felt it when my son left for the army....I felt it when my oldest daughter married young...and I felt it again...when I left my baby girl at college (and got a divorce). Life is full of passages and we are not exempt from any of them. Close your eyes my dear friend and feel my hug. This feeling you are having right now does pass...bittersweet....but it passes....and there will be some new letting go ritual that will take place.

Cherie said...

I can totally relate. My 3rd is flying the nest soon. My oldest just left for Paris today.
It is such a mixed blessing - You want to keep them close but you want to see them fly and become the person you raised them to become.
I love the sweet letter you wrote to your daughter. Very touching. I can tell you are close.
:D

LadyStyx said...

My mind went right where Yaya's had gone....especially after that first email you sent me today! *HUGZ*

MaBunny said...

Well put Jeannie - absoultely beautiful!

Saundra@ItalianMamaGoneCrazy said...

Oh Gosh... LOVE the comment blurb...

Aww... she going all the way to Germany? Wow...exciting and sad all at the same time. You and she look so much alike!

She is so young... and married! Wow!

I had a cow when William went to high school this year... Don't even get me started on when they go off to college... no sireee bob!

Hey... How is your college class going? I remember you bought all this new stuff for school... so how goes it?

Lynnette said...

Jeannie...please pass me the tissue. That was beautiful! My prayers are with you and all of your family as one journey ends..another one begins.

Jenn@ The Crazies said...

Beautiful!! My daughter is 14... think I will go chain her in her room now!!

Grand Pooba said...

Very sweet! You both are lucky to have eachother! Go hug The Bella,she'll make you feel better I'm sure!

Jeannie Finelli, RN said...

Moving :)

Preston said...

Your daughter is one lucky girl. Remember though, your children never really leave you...they show up with grandkids to torture you. :)

Fresh Mommy said...

Oh this was just so perfect, loving and sweet!! I loved it!!
:)
~Tabitha~

freshmommyblog.com

Heatherlyn said...

Is she already off to Germany?

I've heard so many times how quickly the time goes by. I'm starting to see it myself. I really have a lot more patience with my kids (unless I'm very very tired, which is rare) because I'm just trying to enjoy it while it lasts. The hardest part is NOT spoiling them.

That was a beautiful letter to your daughter. I hope she reads it, many times, especially when she has her own little ones someday.

Heather said...

How sweet. I'm on the verge of tears myself.

Bridgett said...

Oh, Jeannie!!!! Gentle Hugs!!! This is such a tear jerker! Wow! I was just going through some photographs to scrap tonight and I'm horribly behind so the pictures are of these chubby cheeks and little fingers and toes and I look at my two kids now who are still young but I think where did the time go? I feel the same as you that it was just yesterday when I held them each in my arms for the first time and now they are both growing and changing, learning and doing the things they should but it pulls on a mother's heart strings and I am sure all the more when they get ready to take their own journey without you there beside them in the same way you always have been!
Lotsa Happy Tears and Gentle Hugs!
Bridgett

Christina said...

While mine have not quite left yet I can feel it with my son. I realized he will never live with me again already at the age of 15,but know thi is something that Alwex feels she needs to do and she might surprise you on how well she handles it. Hugs!

April said...

That was beautiful, Jeannie! I'm praying for you and sending you big, gigantic hugs!

Deanna said...

What a sweet tribute to what must be a wonderful daughter. You obviously treasure her. Hugsssss. I know it isn't easy to let go...

Vickie said...

This is such a beautiful letter to your girl! Made me misty eyed. Soon this will be me. I have asked all my girls to stop growing up and the young one is the only one to say she will.

Intense Guy said...

May you fly high, gracefully, and to where you want to go Alex.

Your mom has taught you many things - and somethings you have to learn on your own - but may you always be learning and on a thrilling adventure.

*Hugs Jeannie*

Mimi said...

I was getting all teary until I reached the kids in 10-15 years!!!!! part. That made me laugh.

(((hugs)))

scrappysue said...

i don't want to think about the day my first daughter leaves home, but i hope when she does, that i'm as eloquent as you!