Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Seriously funny!!

FAIR WARNING!!: DO NOT EAT OR DRINK WHILE READING THIS! DO NOT READ THIS WHILE AT WORK, UNLESS THE BOSS IS AWAY! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!!!
Think before you speak...
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -The last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
And asked loudly,'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...He knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'.
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question one too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No'. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said,' Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident?' This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!' While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An older couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

18 comments:

Christina said...

I have read this before but man they still are just too funny!

blueviolet said...

Those were absolutely too much. I don't know where you find all your goodies but I sure enjoy them.

April said...

Those are hilarious! I can definitely see myself saying every one of them and being totally embarrassed!

Vickie said...

FUNNY!! I live in Michigan and I don't remember the last one. Man, that would have been awesome to see!

LadyStyx said...

Funny...no matter HOW many times they arrive in the inbox.

babyrocasmama said...

OMG! That was so funny! Thank you for making my day a little brighter!

Where do you find this stuff? I know, someone probably sent it to you. But where did they get it?

You always get the funniest stuff!

Amy B said...

Love them..I needed this today...

Heatherlyn said...

Those were great! All of them! Very entertaining.

Andrea said...

OMG so funny! I was laughing so hard I was crying! Love your blog!

MaBunny said...

Too Freaking funny! I'd seen those before but they still are a hoot! Thanks for the giggle!

Yaya said...

LOLOLOLOL!!!! I was laughing so hard and couldn't even read them to my hubby so I just gave him the laptop to read this post and he was laughing so hard! Our favorite one is the kid in the bank threatening to tell Grandma!

Kimberly said...

Thanks for making me laugh today!!! :o)

Cassie said...

Those were so funny! I love the "just farts" one!

Have you stamped up any cards or tags yet?

Heatherlyn said...

Hi! I gave you a bloggy award in my most recent post. I didn't see it in your bloggy bling. I finally got around to passing on my awards, so it's kind of a longer post. Yours is at the bottom. You have so dang many bloggy awards I was glad that I had one that you didn't have yet so I could pass it on to you! You are a really neat bloggy friend and you bring something special to the blogosphere.

Jamie said...

OMG...that's tooo funny!

Nina said...

I read these at home yesterday and laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.

I tried commenting then but my stupid computer kept giving me an error message.

Hillbilly Duhn said...

OMGoodness those were great. I'm really glad I took your warning and didn't drink or eat while I read those, because I certainly laughed out loud! My little one even came into investigate and asked why I was laughing!!

ChicagoLady said...

Oh goody, your comment box is working again! I've seen those before, but they're still very funny!