Saturday, October 11, 2008

Living Will Form

I , {fill your name here}, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes, and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

_______a Martini
_______a Margarita
______ _a Scotch and soda
_______a Bloody Mary
_______a Gin and Tonic
_______a Glass of Chardonnay
_______a Steak
_______lobster or crab legs
_______the remote control
_______a bowl of ice cream
_______the sports page
_______or chocolate: It should be presumed that I won't ever get any better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, and call it a day. At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.

Signature: _______________________________ Date: _________

NOTE: I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier, and they have a lot more visitors. Some of them don't even need embalming when their time comes. If anyone knows the name of this happy place, PLEASE pass it on.

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