Saturday, July 26, 2008

Woman's Perfect Breakfast, and stuff...


She's sitting at the table
with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of
the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover
of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover
of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back
of the milk carton.

Keep reading-they get better!!!


'Cash, check or charge?'
I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet,
I noticed a remote
control for a television set in her purse.

'So, do you always
carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied,
'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

and I figured this was the
most evil thing I could do to him legally.'



I know I'm not going to understand

I'll never understand how you
can take boiling hot wax,

pour it onto your upper thigh,
rip the hair out by the root,

and still be afraid of a spider.


While attending a Marriage
Seminar dealing with communication,

Tom and his wife Grace listened
to the instructor,

'It is essential that
husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'

He addressed the man,

'Can you name your
wife's favorite flower?'

Tom leaned over, touched
his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

A man walks into a pharmacy
and wanders up & down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him
and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking
for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the
correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he
deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, 'Sir,
I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see,
it's like this, yesterday,
I sent my wife to the store

to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco

and some rolling
papers; cause it's
sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to
roll my own ........... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the
one on the milk carton!)


A couple drove down a country
road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led
to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede
their position.

As they passed a barnyard of
mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically,
'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied,


A husband read an article to
his wife about how many words women use a day...

30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, 'The
reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his
wife and asked, 'What?'


A man said to his wife one
day, 'I don't know how you can be

so stupid and so beautiful
all at the same time.

'The wife responded,
'Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so
you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I
would be attracted to you!


A man and his wife were having an argument
about who

should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, 'You should do it
because you get up first,

and then we don't have to wait as long
to get our coffee.

The husband said, 'You are in charge
of cooking around here and

you should do it, because that is your
job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'

Wife replies, 'No, you should do
it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'

Husband replies, 'I can't believe
that, show me.'

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the
New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says 'HEBREWS'

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having
some problems at home

and were giving each other
the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized
that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him

at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight.

Not wanting to be the first
to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

'Please wake me at 5:00
AM .'

He left it where he knew she
would find it.

The next morning, the man woke
up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious,
he was about to go and
see why his wif e hadn't
wakened him, when
he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed.

The paper said, 'It is
5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these
kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece


Thanks Shae!!

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