Things that make you go hmmm.....

Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with'Guess' on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me..

**How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?


**Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.


**I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!


**When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'


**Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

**Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

**Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

**Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

**Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

**Bumper sticker of the year: 'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'.

**And remember: Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. Ya just might want to pass this along....